What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 07:39
I couldn’t, believe it.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I just cannot wake up early, even if I sleep on time. What should I do?
But it wasn’t much.
But, we were locked up after school.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I was very sick at this time too.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
What was Easter day like for you as a child?
I was 9 years of age.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
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I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
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One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
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Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She married twice! .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
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Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Why is every human messed up in some way?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
How do schizophrenia symptoms change throughout the day?
She was in good health!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
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So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Can someone write me a sex story?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I was seconnd youngest,
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I write beautiful poetry .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
What did i know ?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I said to her
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
So, i spoilt her more .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
As i do to all so called friends.?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
This is soul school!.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Who then, do I blame.?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Was to survive, this bastard.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I will be 64.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Ive learnt so much.
It was going to be , some day.
My life is so biszare .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Why did i forgive my father ?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And i lived it daily.
(And it was in our own minds.)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
We all went to grammer schools
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My family never makes their pension either.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He resisted the act ,that day.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Put me off passion for life!!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He knew the spot.
We were not on the streets..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I think the readers, may guess!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
So whats the point in blame.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She found it foreign!.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I have no regrets .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I was scared of men, in general
One cannot live in the past .
Comes on , in middle age.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
All the time i was locked up.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She wouldn,t have been !
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Im still living with it.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But ive been too sick for many years..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I waited trembling.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She loved him until the end.
When she asked me how she looked .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Would this be the day?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I don,t even have a pension.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.